Enough with toxic positivity

The damage toxic positivity can do

Metro

Toxic positivity is a thing. A genuine, damaging, honest to God thing that happens. You may have been a victim of it, or unknowingly projected your toxic positivity onto others. It’s the suggestion that, despite a person’s difficukt or trying circumstances, they should retain a positive mindset or outlook.

When a woman suffers a miscarriage, being told ‘at least you know you can get pregnant’ is dismissive and tone-deaf and a prime example of toxic positivity. If a person loses their partner, the ‘plenty of fish’ adage makes no difference when they want that one fish that’s no longer theirs. Being unable to conceive and being told repeatedly ‘you can always adopt’ whilst undergoing IVF is futile and insulting to all parties.

For me, the reality is that even if I think in constant floral notes of puppies, unicorns and magical fairy dust, no manner of wholehearted positivity will remove the severe endometriosis from my womb, bowel, cervix, and other organs, end the physical inflammation and swelling around my hip or revive the atrophied hip muscles that continue to work dysfunctionally and cause me further micro-injuries, pain and immobility. 

Read the full article, which appeared in the Metro, here.

Unfortunately, toxic positivity, even if an unfortunate choice of words comes from a kind place - is harmful and unhelpful. 

Sometimes, life is hard and shit. It’s OK to allow people to feel that. Having others deny or plaster over our difficulties with hollow positivity can become poison to our souls, inciting us to try and fail to feel positive, leaving us only with guilt and self-loathing,

Toxic positivity can send its recipient into a pit of despair and self-doubt, amplifying the negative internal voice that tells them daily their illness or pain has made them a failure, is their fault or that they should be doing something different to alleviate the difficulties of their life. It certainly had that effect on me.

Many others experience and loathe toxic positivity, too. It’s time to end that. 

If faced with a person’s difficult circumstances, ditch the trite, meaningless, pukesome sunshiney words and use some real ones that will instead both acknowledge their pain, and offer them compassion and comfort. 

‘I’m so sorry you’re going through this.’

‘This sounds really hard.’

‘I’ll keep you in my prayers.’

‘You have every right to feel the way you do.’

‘Is there anything I can do to help?

I, for one, have had enough of toxic positivity.

ENDS