Reclaiming the night

For the longest time, I’ve put on a non-disabled front. It’s the person who writes lots of stuff for the nationals, who has a job, a career, a life.

But my disabled and chronically ill reality is very different. I live every day at an 8 - high levels of pain, high levels of fatigue, high levels of anxiety and sometimes, depression too.

Life with an incurable disease like endometriosis is hard. Mine is severe, and has already claimed my fertility, an ovary, and my mobility. Add to that a painful hip condition and in combination, eight surgeries… well that’s a lot of cope with day in, and day out.

Parenting in pain isn’t easy. Working in an ableist industry makes my life very hard. I don’t really socialise anymore and haven’t been abroad for years before the pandemic. But at night, when I slip into bed, I feel sweet release. No more sitting and tolerating chairs and and upright life I can’t bear. No more responsibility to the people and routines around me. At night, in bed, I feel relief. At night, I feel almost like the average 35-year-old.

I wrote about this for the Metro. Read it here.